Wednesday, March 31, 2010

TV Questions That Will (Most Likely) Never Be Answered


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Lost has promised to answer some major questions before the end of its sixth and final season, but it's hardly the only show that's created mysteries that plague our minds. Here's what other series have had us wondering about, with no resolution in sight.


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Where does Gossip Girl get her info?

There have been so many times that only two characters have been involved in a given situation -- and it's taken place in a Brooklyn apartment. We doubt that Gossip Girl has spies in DUMBO. Also, why is she still covering these people post-prep school? And their parents to boot?

Additionally, we really want to know where the hell Eric disappears to for lengths of time. For instance, his frenemy/sister was missing and dealing drugs and practically getting raped and was nowhere to be found.

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Why is a documentary crew still following the Office staff?

They've got more than enough footage by now and it isn't like anything happens at Dunder Mifflin that could be fashioned into a comprehensible (or concise) film. So what are the unseen doc producers going to do with all of the hours of nonsense they've shot? Or are they sticking around hoping to finally get something usable?

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How does the radio station on Life Unexpected stay in business?
It seems like Cate and Ryan are the most famous people they have on this station, and considering all of the producers and promotion they get, maybe they're the only talent, period? Is that a smart way to run a radio business? Cate and Ryan don't draw that big of a crowd at their live events. And could any listeners anywhere be so invested in a morning chat fest that they truly care whether the hosts broke up or got together? Aren't shows like this just something to keep commuters occupied during morning rush hour? Does the station even play music?

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Why isn't House more famous?

Dr. House is quite the problem-solving genius. In fact, he's supposedly the top in his field. So why don't more people come to him for his diagnostic skills? It seems like only locals with bizarre ailments end up at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, aside from the occasional case in Antarctica. But if he's so acclaimed -- a veritable medical messiah -- wouldn't he have appointments booked months in advance, constant calls from Oprah producers and sick people bothering him every time he so much as went out for a cup of coffee?

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Why is Ann always hanging around City Hall on Parks & Recreation?
She's got a job -- and a hard and demanding one at that. However, nursing seems to be sidelined so that she can attend meetings at Pawnee City Hall, get trained in self-defense and just generally hang around. We know her best (and perhaps only) friend and current (and ex) boyfriend work there, but it's a bit much, isn't it?

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What exactly does Barney do on How I Met Your Mother?
While we may eventually learn who the mother is (though not necessarily before we completely stop caring), we're not convinced that we'll ever find out what Barney actually does at Goliath National Bank. It obviously pays well enough to keep him suited-up and probably doesn't involve him inventing new variations on the high-five, but that's all the job description we'll likely ever get.

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Shouldn't Castle have some sort of accreditation to interrogate criminals?
Sure, he's a mystery writer with knowledge of all things crime-related, and we've got no problem with him tagging along with Kate to scenes or sitting in the car as she busts baddies. We don't even have a real issue with him looking at evidence and offering up his two cents. But shouldn't a person who is trying to get a confession out of a bad guy have some sort of real job at the precinct? Should a complete civilian be able to walk into situations in which officers (and even SWAT teams) have their weapons drawn? A friendship with the mayor shouldn't really extend that far.

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How come there are only three adults in the entirety of the West Beverly school system on 90210?
The school's added a random person as a surf instructor, but prior to that, all of the extracurricular activities were overseen by Kelly the guidance counselor, Ryan the teacher or Harry the principal. Shouldn't there be some other adults supervising students at this wealthy high school? Lunch ladies? Yearbook advisors? Anybody?

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Are there condom dispensers in the on-call rooms on Grey's Anatomy?

According to Callie, there's protection available for free at the clinic, but Seattle Grace's on-call rooms seem to be a hotbed (literally) for sexual encounters. Are there handy jars of condoms available, or does the entire staff have numerous STDs by now? We're worried that surgical scrubs may not have pockets for these particular items.

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Why isn't there any future technology on Desperate Housewives?
The show is set in 2014, and while we don't necessarily expect flying cars, we'd presume that there would have been some technological advancements by then. Itty bitty cell phones, or bluetooth chips implanted in their brains, or everyone walking around with handheld computers, maybe? At the very least we'd expect the show to reflect the sure death of print media or to toss in a few jokes about how the world didn't end in 2012. Something. Anything.

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How can Charlotte practice medicine at Private Practice's Oceanside, when she's supposed to be running the hospital across the street?

Now that she's actually doing a bit of sex therapy down at Oceanside, Charlotte seems much more attentive to her patients there than she is to her actual job. Is being Chief of Staff at a major hospital the kind of position that doesn't require you to actually be there often? No, we didn't think so, either.

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Would Jack Donaghy have that much time to devote to one showrunner on 30 Rock?

We adore the relationship between Jack and Liz, but Donaghy is running an entire network. He would likely have multiple producers to deal with and would be in back-to-back meetings all day long. Would he really have all the time in the world to work with one particular show, deal with its crazy talent and advise its executive producer on her love life?

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Shouldn't people with medical emergencies on Fringe be rushed to an ER before Walter's lab?
We love Walter Bishop and his brilliant way of looking at the world, but it would seem that protocol would require folks to make a quick stop at the local hospital before heading to some strange laboratory that doesn't exactly offer the most germ-free environment. There's a cow in there, for goodness sakes. And now that we think about it, is having a cow in a city legal? And is poor Astrid stuck cleaning up manure all damned day long?

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